Civil War #4 by Mark Millar and Steve McNivin

Every single issue of Civil War is fuckin crazy.This isn’t an exaggeration, or a ploy to grab your attention, it is simply the truth.This is a comic for the new century.

When this comic comes out I automaticly save it for last,and so far this has been justified every time.Sometimes when a crossover comes around it gets a little jumbled up and confusing(Infinite Crisis),this is not the case with this series. Even if you haven’t picked up a Marvel comic in a while, or ever, Mark Millar writes these characters so well you feel like you live in this universe.With it’s heartpounding action,dizzying twists and turns, and suprise endings you’ll be left gasping for sweet, sweet, air.

I’m not even gonna tell you what’s happened in the first three issues,or this one, BECAUSE YOU NEED TO READ IT, but believe me this story is changing the face of Marvel by punching the shit out of it.

Who’s side are you on muthafucka!!

P.S. Sorry about all the profanity, but FUUUUUCK.

Mouse Guard: Belly of the Beast by David Petersen

To my utter disappointment, with this, only my second entry, I am going to break what I was hoping would be a mean streak of strictly bad reviews.  But with a slew of comics in this world that are badly written and horribly drawn, I had to run into this gem.  I spotted it a few months back in a comic book store and while it piqued my interests, I decided against buying it and consequently postponed the long overdue feelings of satisfaction I so rarely get after reading a comic.  Luckily, I am engaged to a man whose love for comics precedes nearly every other love in his life and in the midst of suffering a guilt trip he purchased and gave me the gift of Mouse Guard. 

Once you have this story in your hands and flip to the very first page, everything about it draws you in.  The story is that of three adorable yet ruthless mice – the top three mice in the Mouse Guard – trying to solve the mystery of a missing peddler mouse. Their courage is unparalleled for such tiny creatures and you immediately sense the differing personalities in the trio and how well they compliment each other.  This first issue is a flawless introduction to the series and once you’ve read it you will be thrice the comic fan you were before you had the pleasure of Mouse Guard.

ULTRA, Seven Days

“The IDIOTS GUIDE on How Not To Write Comics”

“An insult to female comic readers”

“Simple-minded, overdone plot”

“Disappointment manifests itself within these pages”

These are all quotes that need to be on the back cover of this book, despite what Mister Brian K Vaughan himself has to say (“a really fun, totally unique superhero book”  …when did he turn into a teenage girl?)

Ultra, Seven Days is a failed attempt by the Luna Brothers to capture the bonds between women.  They completely lack the capability to portray anything resembling female relationships. 

When anyone is working on a story about the fantastical lives of superheroes, there’s a pretty broad spectrum of what they can make seem believable.  Not the case with the L-Bros. 

The theme throughout is basically the lives of three hot girls being lesbians, sluts and superheroes from 9-5 only!  Snap!  Even when an emergency arises, Ultra HERSELF! reminds the superheroine boss that it’s time for lunch, not rescues.

The trio goes to a fortune teller and the rest of the book focuses on the fortune Ultra gets – finding true love in seven days.  When was the last time a 200+ page trade featured Batman or Superman in pursuit of a lifelong sweetheart?!

Every line in every conversation or thought bubble screams “DUDES writing their oversexed version of how they think girls and their relationships are”. 

Overall, it’d make a nice addition to the fireplace on a cold winter’s night.

B.P.R.D. The Universal Machine #4 by Mignola, Arcudi, Davis

Talking werewolves!! Can I get a fuck YEAH!? The pick of the week award goes to this comic, for this and a few other reasons.

Another one being the awesome Mike Mignola cover, (hands down my favorite comic book artist). This issue is a detour from universal machines plot, but it works. It contains a nightmarish ghost story from Liz where we delve into her tragic past, and another story told by Abe, where he and Hellboy encounter a wendigo, (a cursed ghost only found in Canada). Instead of engaging in a run of the mill fight, the three talk. The dialogue from the wendigo, who actually used to be a man as he tried to cope with the lost of his family and his humanity is pretty fucking heart breaking.

Then you remember the talking werewolves and everything is all better. If you only know of Hellboy and the B.P.R.D. through the movie then I’d definately reccomend picking up any of the trades. Even though the movie is cool it can’t hold a candle to the comics.

P.S. Comics.

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