Batman Detective Comics # 826 By Paul Dini & Don Kramer

Ok, so it has been way too long since the last review, and to anybody who actually believes in comics…..sorry for the delay. Now, on to the PICK OF THE WEEK!!

Some of you might have seen this coming and if you did, good job. Paul Dini(if you don’t know who this dude is do yourself a favor and look him up on Wikipedia…and be amuthafuckinmazed) has been delivering the goods on detective comics for a few months now with his amazing one-shots. This issue, ”Slayride” was insane. To sum it up, Robin is tied up and riding shotgun with The Joker at the wheel. The action is intense as the Clown Prince of Crime plows down pedestrians left and right with Robin unable to get himself untied. The dialogue moves from hilarious to truly frightening and it sets you on the edge of your seat wondering how it could get any worse, which of course, it does.

This issue, in a mere 22 pages, manages to pull off perfectly what we need to see from a Joker story. The fact that this dude is a THREAT. Over the past I don’t know how many years I’ve seen too many covers with The Joker getting the total shit kicked out of him. Or stories where he is just this parody or a stereotype of himself. Fuck that shit you need to be scared of this motherfucker. Batman knows. Nightwing knows. The Gordons know. Jason Todd really knows. And by Jason Todd I mean the second Robin from the 80’s not this bullshit Red Hood bullshit.

………so yeah, buy this comic. You’ll love it!

Pride of Baghdad by Brian K. Vaughan and Niko Henrichon

This is an instant classic. Brian K. Vaughan’s story of four escaped lions searching for food through the war torn streets of Baghdad, immediately pulls you in and doesn’t let go until it’s jarring conclusion.

When I read this I couldn’t turn the pages fast enough, it’s that smooth of a read. The artwork is stunning, Niko Henrichson is able to convey the lion’s emotions, pull off fierce action sequences and create breathtaking, cinematic splash pages with ease. The story moves along effortlessly thanks to BKV’s trademark natural and witty dialogue. Because of this combination we are treated to a highly entertaining, beautiful, and moving story, who’s characters rich personalities shine off the pages.

While it’s a tremendously entertaining book it’s also thought provoking, which unfortunately can be a rarity. As with his work on Ex Machina, Vaughan doesn’t shy away from controversial subject matter. This story makes you question how we as humans define freedom, and for me is another reminder of why I hate this bullshit war.

This is an important piece of work and will surely prove to be a milestone in both creators’ careers. Pride of Baghdad is a fine addition to the graphic novel genre and a perfect example of why comics should be taken seriously. It leaves you with emotions that linger far after the book is closed.

PICK OF THE YEAR.

ps – not just because there’s talking lions.

Civil War #4 by Mark Millar and Steve McNivin

Every single issue of Civil War is fuckin crazy.This isn’t an exaggeration, or a ploy to grab your attention, it is simply the truth.This is a comic for the new century.

When this comic comes out I automaticly save it for last,and so far this has been justified every time.Sometimes when a crossover comes around it gets a little jumbled up and confusing(Infinite Crisis),this is not the case with this series. Even if you haven’t picked up a Marvel comic in a while, or ever, Mark Millar writes these characters so well you feel like you live in this universe.With it’s heartpounding action,dizzying twists and turns, and suprise endings you’ll be left gasping for sweet, sweet, air.

I’m not even gonna tell you what’s happened in the first three issues,or this one, BECAUSE YOU NEED TO READ IT, but believe me this story is changing the face of Marvel by punching the shit out of it.

Who’s side are you on muthafucka!!

P.S. Sorry about all the profanity, but FUUUUUCK.

Mouse Guard: Belly of the Beast by David Petersen

To my utter disappointment, with this, only my second entry, I am going to break what I was hoping would be a mean streak of strictly bad reviews.  But with a slew of comics in this world that are badly written and horribly drawn, I had to run into this gem.  I spotted it a few months back in a comic book store and while it piqued my interests, I decided against buying it and consequently postponed the long overdue feelings of satisfaction I so rarely get after reading a comic.  Luckily, I am engaged to a man whose love for comics precedes nearly every other love in his life and in the midst of suffering a guilt trip he purchased and gave me the gift of Mouse Guard. 

Once you have this story in your hands and flip to the very first page, everything about it draws you in.  The story is that of three adorable yet ruthless mice – the top three mice in the Mouse Guard – trying to solve the mystery of a missing peddler mouse. Their courage is unparalleled for such tiny creatures and you immediately sense the differing personalities in the trio and how well they compliment each other.  This first issue is a flawless introduction to the series and once you’ve read it you will be thrice the comic fan you were before you had the pleasure of Mouse Guard.

BPRD Universal Machine #5

The final issue of The Universal Machine storyline wins the pick of the week title. 

 Kate Corrigan escapes imprisonment by outsmarting her captor and Johann communicates with Roger in the netherworld.

Mike Mignola cover?  Check!

Exciting story?  Check!

Demons taking revenge?  Check!

Mike Mignola making a surprise appearance and drawing the last five pages in which Johann contacts Roger’s spirit and Roger expresses his final wish to remain dead?  Check as FUUUUUUUCK!

I gasped when I turned the page and found myself transported to another dimension because of the surprise artwork.  Pick of the week!

Roger: I…. I know I’m not a man.  Do you think it’s possible that you could bury what’s left of me in the earth – like a man?

Ultimate Spider-Man #98 clone saga: part 2

Well I was reading Ultimate Spider-Man for a while, and to tell you the truth I just got bored of it. This Wednesday though when I went to the comic book store, and something told me I had to pick up the missing issues, I guess I just missed Brian Michael Bendis’s style of writing on this comic, and the very hilarious Spider-Man comments. This particular issue was a new release and let me tell you it made me fall in love all over again. Starting off from the clone saga: part 1 where Peter aka Spider-Man was fighting The Scorpion, then knocking him out and breaks his helmet and sees himself!!! Spidey takes this look alike peter to the Fantastic Four well because….he really just has no where else to go. They test the clone’s blood and say its 94.2 percent Peter Parker…which is weird stays Reed Richards, because it’s usually either a 100 percent or none. This crazy event is just one of many going on in this clone saga…Mary Jane goes missing…..captured by ummm another Peter Parker!?! A weird Spider-Girl shows up…..and the craziest of them all…..Gwen Stacy is back….WOW!! If you ever wondered about this comic before. Stop wondering take it from me. Bendis’s is one of the best when it comes to writing Spidey. This book will not let you down. I give this comic the stoked of the month award.

Elephant Men #1 by Starkings & Moritat

You’re not supposed to judge a book by it’s cover.  I don’t think that applies to comics.  The cover art on this comic piqued my curiosity and it turns out this was my pick of the week out of five other comics.

 This sci-fi series is set a couple hundred years from now in a place called Mystery City.  It is populated by humans and genetically engineered mutants.  There are elephants, crocodiles, rhinos, hippos, and other various beasts walking on their hind legs, wearing clothes and talking.  As some of you know, I have a soft spot for talking animals.  The first story focuses on Savanah (a human child) making friends with Ebony (an elephant man).  As they talk we are shown gruesome flashbacks of Ebony’s violent past as a gun-toting killing machine. 

This is the first time I’ve read this series.  It reminded me of a cross between Astro City and We 3.  I was disappointed when the story ended abruptly but was overjoyed when I realized this issue was actually two comics.  I flipped it over and there was another story!  It was great, talk about getting your money’s worth.

 The writing is excellent.  The artwork is awesome.  The cover art is the icing on the cake.  Pick of the week!

The Ultimates. vol. 1

So I’m going to start it off like my other reviews and just say it straight up. I hated the idea of this book when I first heard of it, I guess that goes for the Ultimate universe in general. I mean come on two different universes with the same characters, one updated for modern time. Shit dude, I hated this. Of course it was me being ignorant, saying bad things before I read it.

With a little influence from Fabian I caved in and decided to read my very first ultimate comic. Which was The Ultimates vol. 1 trade. Now of course The Ultimates are supposed to be the modern day Avengers, being a fan of the original Avengers I couldn’t see me liking this…but the moment I laid down on my bed put the book in front of me and read the first three pages…I’m hooked. The dialogue is perfect. Taking you back to 1945, seeing maybe how it would be if there really were a super soldier by the name of Captain America. Then Jumping to modern times going directly into the story. The Ultimates were put together to protect humanity from new rising threats, that our army couldn’t handle. See and read all the crazy action for yourself.

Mark Millar just seems to never dissapoint, and along with Bryan Hitch’s amazing artwork. You can’t lose. I think this book captured these characters better than in the regular marvel universe….bold words, I know, but strictly my opinion. The Captain America story is pretty much the same..Bucky is alive and old in this version. Hulk has a totally changed origin, along with some other characters in the book. (I don’t want to give too much away). I think my favorite character in The Ultimates would have to be the new and improved Thor…a leftist new age guru…and MAYBE the son of a Norse god, or just a crazy guy with a hammer and crazy technology. From a scale from 1 to 10 I give the Ultimates a 9.5…no talking animals…WTF?!

Check this book out if you like awesome.

Hellboy Vol 6: Strange Places by Mike Mignola

My last post was about a BPRD comic and I mentioned that people should pick up the Hellboy/BPRD trades.  And even though you should read them in order, and even though Conqueror Worm is my favorite (vol. 5), I’m writing about the most recent release. 

Mike Mignola is by far my most favorite comic book artist.  Everything he draws is a potential painting/tattoo/album cover.  I’m in love with his art, it takes me so long to get through a comic because I savor every panel. 

This trade collects The Third Wish and The Island, both released after the movie (if you liked the movie, you’ll love the comic).  In Third Wish, Hellboy is soul searching in Africa after quitting the BPRD, he meets a witch doctor, talking lions, and mermaids.  It’s a morality tale with an ending that tugs at the heart strings.  The dialogue exchange between HB and the Bog Roosh (a sea witch) is hilarious.  In The Island two years have passed and HB finds himself drinking with ghost sailors.  But it wouldn’t be a Hellboy comic if he didn’t end up beating on a giant monster with his famous right hand; his right hand is the focus of this death/resurrection tale as we finally learn it’s true origin.  Mignola also throws in the creation of the world, the rise and fall of angels and the origin of man.  Heavy stuff. 

 This trade features a new epilogue which caps the whole story nicely.  Hellboy has everything that makes me Believe In Comics.

ULTRA, Seven Days

“The IDIOTS GUIDE on How Not To Write Comics”

“An insult to female comic readers”

“Simple-minded, overdone plot”

“Disappointment manifests itself within these pages”

These are all quotes that need to be on the back cover of this book, despite what Mister Brian K Vaughan himself has to say (”a really fun, totally unique superhero book”  …when did he turn into a teenage girl?)

Ultra, Seven Days is a failed attempt by the Luna Brothers to capture the bonds between women.  They completely lack the capability to portray anything resembling female relationships. 

When anyone is working on a story about the fantastical lives of superheroes, there’s a pretty broad spectrum of what they can make seem believable.  Not the case with the L-Bros. 

The theme throughout is basically the lives of three hot girls being lesbians, sluts and superheroes from 9-5 only!  Snap!  Even when an emergency arises, Ultra HERSELF! reminds the superheroine boss that it’s time for lunch, not rescues.

The trio goes to a fortune teller and the rest of the book focuses on the fortune Ultra gets – finding true love in seven days.  When was the last time a 200+ page trade featured Batman or Superman in pursuit of a lifelong sweetheart?!

Every line in every conversation or thought bubble screams “DUDES writing their oversexed version of how they think girls and their relationships are”. 

Overall, it’d make a nice addition to the fireplace on a cold winter’s night.